Funyarinpa 101
by JumpyFTW
Summary: Because Funyarinpa deserves so much respect. "It's a bird!" "It's a plane!" "IT'S A FUNYARINPA!" Rated T for swear words because Santa without those is OOC-ish, crude humor because it's a comedy fan fiction, and even romance because I'm a JK shipper. So deal with it. Oh, this is AU anyway.
1. We Put 'Fun' in Funyarinpa

**Disclaimer: '**_**Zero Escape: 9 Hours, 9 Persons, 9 Doors**_**' belongs to Chunsoft, Aksys Games, and Nintendo. Also references from other series that belong to the original owners. Please understand, and support the official release. This fandom needs more love. **

**P.S. I don't own the cover picture.**

**P.S.S. I also owe credits for my brother's idea.**

* * *

><p><em>GONG!<em>

The gong was beaten once. Two lads stood up, much boss-like. Both were ready to take on their battlefield. As if it was a sign to begin World War III.

The first lad clenched his fist. His slightly messy half-inch-from-neckline-length brown hair was blown by the breeze of summer. He was wearing thick clothes, not the best mix for summer. His red plaid shirt had long sleeves, folded until elbow-length, covered by a gray sleeveless hoodie and blue parachute vest that contradicted the inner. He also wore knee-length jeans. His shoes were the recently-bought Nike that cost eight hundred forty nine US dollars and ninety nine cents. He had to sell plenty of his treasures and save his daily lunch money for savings for those shoes.

"The soul of Mighty Hydreigon," Junpei—the name of the young man—praised. "Dragon of the Darkness, bless me with your strength! My body is ready!"

The other lad gritted his jaws. His hair was silver-white, porcupine-ish cut, with a black bandana. He was wearing a white tank top that justified his hair, comfy and easy to wear. A long, thin, kinda strap-like black scarf casually circled his neck. The outfit also featured black cargo pants and black, army-like boots that he got from a garage sale held by his middle age neighbor.

"The heart of Blazing Pangoro," Santa—his codename, it's not like you care about his real name—orated. "Fist of the Darkness, I choose you! I'm bearing your powers on me!"

"OBJECTION! Your argument is invalid!" Junpei objected. "Only dragons deserve to be destructive and ferocious! Pandas are supposed to be cute and fluffy!"

"HOLD IT!" Santa denied. "Pandas also have right to slay and devastate! Dragons should just go f**k themselves instead!"

"SHADOW DRAGOOOOON!"

"RADIANT DAAAAAWN!"

Both Junpei and Santa were about to land their fists to each other. The aura of the stage kept getting more, more, and more intense. Junpei vs Santa, who would win?

Buuuut, suddenly there was an interruption.

"STOP IT BOTH OF YOOOOUUU!"

It was Akane—also known as June because her birthday is June 22nd, debut of summer. Oh, it's today. Happy birthday, Akane!

Her dress was violet, 2 inches above her knees. She also wore kinda-too-long navy arm warmer with yellow and violet stripes that covered her palms. Her brunette shoulder-length hair was just kept how it was, except with a small white flower thing on the left side. Her wide scarf actually wrapped her shoulder. Her boots were brown, velvet, knee-length, and bought at a Year End Sale in a Department Store.

Junpei and Santa ignored her. When they realized, both of their fists had landed on their faces each. Because of the same level of their fist powers, both of them were flown away a single yard from their previous position.

But neither of them had given up yet. They were still about to land more fists, or kicks, or whatever to knock each other out.

"I COMMAND YOU BOTH TO STOP FIGHTING!" said Akane while pushing away both Junpei and Santa from each other. Like a Dazzling Gleam from the mind of Graceful Gardevoir, Exalt of the Feelings, she knocked them out quite easily.

"Hey," Lotus interrupted. "Aren't you supposed to perform a _manzai_? Why are you fighting instead?"

Lotus looked like a dancer. Her outfit was anything except comfy and easy to wear. She was wearing bunch of golden jewelries, green top that revealed quite of her stuffs, long black trousers, and red cloth around her waist. Her hair was long, black with green hair accessories that mingled with her outfit, also neither comfy nor easy to wear. Her sandals also featured golden ornaments.

"Yeah, Lotus's right!" Clover agreed. "I can't wait to see Santa kicking Junpei's butt because of the horrible puns he makes!"

Clover was the teenage girl with all pink. There were three acnes under her right eye. Her hair was pink, bushy and voluminous. She was wearing her high school uniform under her black oversized jacket with pink sailor-like collar and fur balls hanging from its neck. Her boots were black leather with white furs, pink fur balls hanging on them each, and 8 cm heels. They were made on her very own demand. The price was possibly more expensive than Junpei's Nike.

"But didn't Santa already kick Junpei's butt?" Seven, the big guy, asked. "I mean, technically they just kicked each other's butts."

Seven looked almost like a mountain, or gorilla. He was wearing an orange overall with dark long sleeve polo shirt underneath. A blue beanie was on his big head. His shoes were just black leather shoes, typical for fellas around his age. Except the size though, IT'S OVER 9000! No, not really, it was 45 in European size. He wasn't wearing any socks so… make sure your nose is safe.

"That's not butt-kicking," Clover protested. "That's punching!"

"Whoa, you meant it literally?" Ace responded Clover.

Ace was the middle-age man that has quite fatherly aura. His hairr was quite like a lion, with gray shades. He was wearing gray coat and black long sleeve turtle neck beneath it. He looked like some sort of European lord. He was wearing black leather boots, much boss-like. His hair cut seemed like some sort of elderly lion.

"I suppose them fighting against each other is a part of their scenario," Snake justified. "It's _**their**_ performance, after all."

Snake was Clover's elder brother, although he didn't look like one (I know, right?!). His hair was light gray, half-neck-length. He was wearing white shirt and burgundy tie, covered by blue jacket with golden linings on it. His gray trousers were made of finest imported cashmere. His shoes were black leather, polished, and shiny. His socks were as white as snow and scented like the earth after raining. His eyes were closed because opening it would be pointless—all he could see is darkness. No seriously, he's blind.

"But how about June's interruption?" Clover objected her brother. "Is it also their scenario? I thought _manzai_ only involves 2 people instead of 3. Also what's so funny about fighting like that?"

"Maybe it is. This is not a competitive _manzai_, so it is up to them," Snake answered. "Apparently, it is June's birthday, not yours. So, today's VIP is her instead of you."

"But I just wanna see them joking! Hmph!" Clover puffed her cheeks. She looked kinda cute, actually. Despite of Snake couldn't see anything, he could still imagine Clover looked like a fluffy blowfish.

* * *

><p>Oh yeah, so here's the situation again.<p>

They are currently gathering at Akane's backyard. Today's her birthday, as I've told you. Junpei and Santa are performing _manzai_ for her. The audiences beside Akane herself are Ace, Clover, Snake, Seven, and Lotus. Oh, anyway, it was Seven who beat the gong.

"Just start the real _manzai_ already!" Clover yelled in her high-pitched voice, and then puffed her cheeks again.

* * *

><p>Three.<p>

Two.

One.

"If you ask us 'just start the real _manzai_ already'," Junpei started the sentence.

"Our answer is compassion for the world!" Santa continued.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To protect peace of the world!"

"To carry out the humors of truth and love!"

"The lovely, charmy comedians!"

"Junpei!"

"Santa!"

"Team Funyarinpa 101 flies across the galaxy!"

"A white hole, white tomorrow awaits!"

* * *

><p>"Yaaaaay!" Akane clapped her hands happily like a 9 year-old boy watching movie of giant robots vs. giant monsters. Lotus in the other hand wasn't really satisfied. Her face was like '…wut?'<p>

"So, this is like, your actual _manzai_ performance?" Clover asked confusedly.

"Eh? What's a _manzai_?" Junpei asked Clover back instead of answering her. He was playing idiot. No wait, he's actually an idiot. "You mean our on-stage comedy performance?"

"Yeah," Santa answered, instead of Clover.

"Oh yeah, Santa. Thanks for the information anyway," Junpei said to Santa. "So, _manzai_, isn't it? How do we do it again?"

"Well, I bring up a topic, you make a s**tty pun about it, and I kick your ass. It's simple."

"…Wut?"

"No, seriously, Junpei. That's just how it works."

"*sob* But… *sob**sob* why…?" Junpei's eyes were already wet. He put a really, really, really cute sad baby face.

"Because you're better at making s**tty puns and I'm better at ass-kicking."

"Are you *sob* saying that *sob* I'm *sob**sob* an idiot?"

"Yeah. I mean, come on, we all know that you're an idiot. You have to face reality, Junpei. You're already 22. That counts as adult. So act like your real age, not the digital root of it." Santa held Junpei on the shoulder.

Junpei then looked at Akane, still with the really, really, really cute sad baby face.

Of course Akane couldn't resist those poor puppy eyes. Idiot or not, it's _**her**_ Jumpy they're talking about. She couldn't stand seeing him crying after being bullied like that.

Or maybe it's just her heart that's softer than Clover's fur balls (?).

"Aww, Jumpy," Akane felt sorry for that guy. "Santa's really bad on you, isn't he?"

Junpei nodded cutely and vulnerably. He asked, "Can I get your hug, please?"

"…Eh?" Akane was confused.

"Pretty pleeeaaase….?"

"Um…"

"With cherry on top, maybe?"

"I, uh…"

"Cut it out, you lovebirds -_- ," Santa said. "It's supposed to be a comedy show, not some f**king soap opera."

"*yaaaawn* he's right," Lotus justified Santa.

"Just start the real _manzai_ already!" Clover yelled in her high-pitched voice, and then puffed her cheeks again.

* * *

><p>Junpei stopped sobbing, inhaled deeply, and exhaled three times. Then he sighed.<p>

"Anyway, now back to the show," Junpei said.

"Here we are, team Funyarinpa 101," Santa continued. "As we introduced ourselves previously."

"As lovely, charmy comedians, we put _fun_ in Funyarinpa. Or should I say _Fun_-nyarinpa!" Junpei grinned like an idiot. Well, he _is_ an idiot.

Without any talking, Santa just kicked his butt.

Like, literally. He actually landed his foot to Junpei's… uh… bottom.

"UAGH!" Junpei was surprised. "What the heck was that for?!"

"I kick your ass, remember?" Santa responded casually, looking down at his victim. "I bring up a topic, you make a s**tty pun about it, and I kick your ass. I've told you, that's just how it works."

"Like literally?!"

"Like literally."

"*sigh* that's just how it works, you said."

"Well, yeah. Anyway, can we continue?"

"Sure."

"Alright, Junpei. I just wanna ask you something."

"About what?"

"About the team name."

"You mean Funyarinpa 101? What's wrong with it?"

"It's just, what the f**k is a funyarinpa anyway? No, seriously."

* * *

><p>"WHAT?!" Junpei was like he got buzzed with a stun gun. "What do you mean 'it's just what the f**k is a funyarinpa anyway no seriously'?! You mean, you don't know?!"<p>

"How the f**k do you know in the first place?"

"'How the f**k do I know in the first place' you say? How the f**k could _**you**_ not know?! It's just… you're just… ugh! You're beyond blasphemous! Say sorry! Apologize to funyarinpa! Gosh, you're such a rude guy!" Junpei showed a painting and rubbed it to Santa's face. Like, literally.

That painting was on a square-shaped canvas. It was just black and white abstract to general people. Although to some people, it does resemble a peculiar object. Akane for example, she thinks it looks like a demon with elephant-like nose that's sucking human brain.

To Junpei, that painting is a funyarinpa. Not more, not less.

"As if I would!" Santa rejected. "It's just a f**king painting, for f**k's sake!"

"You're wrong! It's not just a f**king painting!" Junpei denied. "It's a perfectly carved handicraft of beauty! Miracle of nature! Symbol of true vanity of Mother Earth!"

"It's a f**king painting! PAINTING!"

"Shut up!"

"Don't you dare to—"

"No seriously, shut up!"

Both of them shut up.

"What the—" Clover couldn't manage to finish her question because Junpei shushed louder.

All of them became quiet.

* * *

><p>After 3 seconds...<p>

"You hear that?" Junpei whispered.

"Hear what?" Clover asked, also whispering.

"It's a sound of cracking," Junpei answered her, still whispering. "The Funyarinpa's heart is breaking apart into pieces. This is all Santa's fault. He's such a jerk. He hurt the Funyarinpa's feelings, and now it's so sad."

"Hoi hoi, what the f**k did I do wrong, exactly?!" Santa asked, half-shouting. "Just because I don't know what the f**k is a funyarinpa?!"

"Besides, it is just a painting, like Santa said," Snake justified. "A painting does not have a heart."

"He's right," Clover concluded shortly.

"But I can hear it too," Akane protested the others.

"You don't say…?" Lotus was dumbfounded by what Akane said.

"I do say," Akane replied. "I can actually hear the sound of heart breaking. I can even feel the Funyarinpa's sadness, just like Jumpy said."

"I think both of you have a problem -_- ," Seven said. "What are you two smoking, anyway?"

"Never mind," Ace responded as he checked Junpei's forehead.

"Eh? What's wrong?" Junpei cluelessly asked Ace.

"Not really hot," Ace said about Junpei's forehead.

"I guess you're not a regular idiot," Santa spoke. "You're such a mentally f**ked up idiot, that you can't be cured anymore. Not just that, you're also contagious to June somehow. I'm so mad at you that I don't even feel like kicking your ass anymore."

"Santa, you're so cruel!" Akane said to him. "Even if Jumpy's actually an idiot, you shouldn't talk about him like that! You're making him sad!"

"Don't you realize, June?!" Santa scolded. "You're starting to turn into like him! He's a bad influence for you!"

"B, but—"

"Uh, is this still a _manzai_ or what?" Clover was getting more confused.

"Well, that's a good question!" Santa answered her sarcastically. "Because I don't know either what the f**k are we doing right now! Ask that to Junpei!"

"But this seems kind of too serious," Akane talked to Santa. "I mean, after Ace checked his forehead and then you scolded him, Jumpy hasn't done anything yet. He's just sitting on the floor, his head is down… Maybe you're too much on him."

"Meh, he deserves it."

"No, he doesn't!"

"Yes, he does!"

"*sigh*"

Akane bent down. She looked at Junpei, who was still sitting on the floor. He was hugging the painting—or the Funyarinpa, he would say.

"Uh, Jumpy…?" Akane called him.

"Poor Funyarinpa," Junpei started talking without staring her back. "He's been through too much. How could they do such cruel things to him?"

"'HE'?!" both Seven and Lotus were shocked.

"You don't say!" Ace was surprised as well.

"It's alright, Jumpy," Akane stared at his eyes. "You don't have to be sad like that. If you're sad, the Funyarinpa will also be sad."

Junpei looked at her back. He put his hand on Akane's cheek, as if he would kiss her.

"Thanks, Kanny," Junpei said to her while smiling. "Thank you very much."

"E, eh?" Akane was still nervous.

"Thanks to you, I already realize my reasons to be here."

"…Reasons?"

"Yes. My reasons are Funyarinpa… and you."

"A, are you really…?"

"Just marry me already!"

"W, what?! But why?"

"Isn't that obvious?! You're the only one who understands me and Funyarinpa, better than anyone else around here."

"Are you serious?"

"Yeah! Marry me, Kanny! And then we can live happily ever after, wherever you want! It's just you, me, and Funyarinpa. We're also gonna have babies!"

"…W, wh, wha—?"

Junpei put his hand on Akane's shoulder. "It's alright, Kanny. If you're not ready now, I'm fine. You can just tell me whenever you are."

"Uh…"

"GET A ROOM, YOU TWO!" Santa scolded them.

Oh yeah. They were so lovey dovey until they forgot that the others were just staring at them all the time.

"Well, okay?"

Akane sighed. The she looked at Junpei again.

He's still sitting on the floor, hugging the Funyarinpa. But this time he's smiling. A cute, dashing, happy smile, Akane would say.

"You're welcome, Jumpy." :)

* * *

><p>"Ah…young people," Ace muttered to himself. "Love of youth is always so sweet."<p>

"No, it's actually disgusting," Santa objected. "Especially when you're doing it on public."

"Anyway Ace," Seven talked to Ace. "Did you have any sort of girlfriend back in your times of youth?"

"Well, I had three," Ace answered honestly. "First was my first crush back in middle school, the second was a junior in high school, and the third was in the college."

"Wow, that's quite something," Seven replied. "How old are you again?"

"40."

"Do you have a wife? Or did you?"

"The answers for both are no. I've been single since I graduated."

"Well then, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA me too, pal." Seven lowered his head.

Ace only smiled at that fellow middle age man. Santa and Snake—the younger ones of the bunch—didn't really understood what the elderly people were talking about.

"Wait, is that the point of all this?" Snake asked confusedly.

"F**k it, I'm outta here," Santa said.

* * *

><p>"No seriously, is this still a <em>manzai<em> or what?" Clover was getting even more confused.

"*sigh* I don't mind them," Lotus lazily responded her.

* * *

><p><strong>Hi there! Thanks for reading. Sorry if it's kinda too long.<strong>

**Well, I meant it only to be a one-shot, but I guess I'm gonna need a second chapter. I'll give more portions for the others. Also I'll make Santa less violent, because I actually kinda feel bad for Junpei. I guess Akane's right, I'm too much on him.**

**P.S. feel free to review^^**


	2. It's Actually a Chopper Up There

"Really, Santa, you shouldn't treat Jumpy like that!" Akane said to Santa while chasing him who was leaving the backyard.

"Okay, okay, I get it," Santa replied. "Your boyfriend is such a sensitive crybaby. I won't make him shed tears again."

"And what's the basic concept of _manzai_ again?" Akane asked.

"What's with it?"

"Just answer me!"

"It's a Japanese stand-up comedy, performed by two people: the straight guy and the funny guy. The funny guy makes puns and all—that's Junpei for you. In the other hand, I play the straight guy role who corrects the funny guy."

"Then you just have to correct Jumpy when he gets something wrong, you don't really have to physically abuse him."

"'Physically abuse'? Man, that's harsh."

"Well, yeah. That's my point. You don't have to be harsh on him."

"Okay, okay, I get it."

"Also you have to lessen the swear words. Keep swearing doesn't make you sound badass at all. You're more like a 10 year-old that just recently learns swear words. Not to mention there's an underage child here."

"Who? Clover? Come on, she's 19. That's old enough for swears."

"Maybe you do think so, but does Snake?"

"Okay, okay. *sigh*"

"Why are you leaving, anyway? Is Jumpy really that bad to you?"

"I'm just going to bathroom -_- ."

"Oh, okay ('_') ."

* * *

><p><em>*after 5 minutes break*<em>

"Okay, now back to the show," Junpei said. "Let's start the real _manzai_ already."

"Then what the hell have you two been doing all this time?!" Clover yelled.

"I know, right!" Santa agreed her.

"Anyway, let's just start!" Akane tried to dismiss them.

* * *

><p>"So that's Funyarinpa?" Santa pointed at a painting—which is Funyarinpa to Junpei.<p>

"Yeah," Junpei answered shortly.

"I … _know_ what's a funyarinpa, okay," Santa lied, sort of. He just didn't want to repeat the very same argument with Junpei that would lead him to get lectured by June about not to be violent on Jumpy blah blah blah whatsoever. Santa sighed.

"So, what are we gonna joke about?" Santa asked Junpei.

"I don't know," Junpei blandly answered. "I thought it's _**your**_ part to bring up a topic. Then I'm gonna make a crappy pun about it, and you'll—"

"Nah, I'm not gonna kick your ass, don't worry. I'm just gonna get those puns straight."

"Whoa, Santa," Junpei checked Santa's forehead. "You were such a jerk few minutes ago, and now you're suddenly playing nice. What happened to you?"

"It's not that important for you to know."

"Kanny did give you some counseling, huh?"

"In a nutshell, yeah."

"So, what are we gonna joke about?"

"I just asked you that 1 minute ago -_- ."

"Well it's your part to bring up a topic. Then I'm gonna make a crappy pun about it, and you'll—"

"Nah, I'm not gonna kick your ass, don't worry. I'm just gonna get those puns straight."

"Hey, we've talked about this!"

"You started it, Junpei."

"It's a déjà vu. Yeah, I know it! Maybe it's an effect of morphogenic field."

"…Wut?"

"Nah, never mind."

"Is this the _manzai_ or what?" Clover asked them.

"Would you stop asking that?!" Santa scolded her.

"*sigh* okay…"

* * *

><p>"Hey, what's that?!" Santa suddenly pointed at something that's flying on the sky. Everyone looked at what Santa pointed.<p>

"It's a bird!" Seven shouted.

"It's a plane!" Clover shouted louder.

"IT'S A FUNYARINPA!" Junpei howled like horror.

"Wait, a funyarinpa can fly?" Lotus was dumbfounded.

"Of course!" Junpei answered confidently. "There's nothing Funyarinpa can't do!"

"So it's like some kind of Mary Sue?" Santa asked sarcastically.

"No, Santa! It's not merely 'Mary Sue'! It's a perfectly carved handicraft of beauty! Miracle of nature! Symbol of true vanity of Mother Earth!"

"As if. You've said that already, Junpei. To be honest, it's actually a chopper up there. What's a chopper doing around here, anyway?"

"Maybe the _chopper_ wants to _chop_ the heads of flying birds!"

"Hoi hoi, that's not a _crappy_ pun you got there. It's a _creepy_ pun! And by chopper, I actually meant helicopter."

"Oh come on. It's not really a _creepy_ pun. It's just a _choppy_ pun to say _heli _to the _cops_."

"You mean _hello_?"

"Hello? Like, _copter_-ing people and then send them to the _hell_, _O_!"

"It's _capturing_ people!"

"Hey Santa, people are captured by the _capture_ of the ship!"

"It's _captain_!"

"Are you talking about the _Captain_ Building in USA?"

"It's _Capitol _Building, you idiot!"

"You actually call me idiot? I thought _Idiot_ is one of the states in USA!"

"That's _Idaho_… I guess? And Idaho isn't even a real place, according to my search on Bing!"

"Wait, there's actually someone using Bing?! Haha! That's not like you at all! I thought your color is silver, not _Bing_!"

"Maybe you mean pink, my dear fella. That's Clover's color, anyway."

"But Bing? That's not really _clover_ of you, Santa. You're just gonna _fell_-_a_-nto the trap!"

"Man, that's just… that was really bad, pal."

"Yeah, you're right. I think we should call the _pal_-ice."

"_Police_, Junpei. Police."

"Okayy… anyway, about Idaho… it's real, according to Wikipedia. That's enough for me."

"You actually believe Wikipedia? It's a free encyclopedia, anyone can alter it!"

"_**You**_ actually believe Bing? You even actually use it _**at all**_?!"

"Come on, Junpei. Maybe most people use Google, but that doesn't mean Google is the most trustable search engine!"

"Why is it about Idaho conspiracy all sudden?" Lotus interrupted. "Is it still _manzai_ or what?"

"Shut up, will ya!" Santa shouted at her.

"Hey, that's not how you talk to a lady!" Lotus replied.

"Whoa, whoa, 'lady'? Last time I checked, a 'lady' is supposed to be prim, proper, perfume, pretty… nothing like you at all, Lotus."

"And not to mention your outfit," Junpei added. "Oh, Santa, where did you check about being a lady? Let me guess… Bing? HAHAHAHAHahahahahahah…hahahah…ha?"

When Junpei realized, both Santa and Lotus were already glaring at him. As if to save himself or just to change the topic, he said, "Uh, where were we again, Santa?"

"I started with chopper and we ended up in Idaho, thanks to you," Santa answered sarcastically.

"Idaho? But we're in Japan!" Junpei replied. "How about our topic right before Idaho?"

"Police, I guess?"

"Oh yeah, a police. One of the Greek Olympians, I suppose."

"It's _Apollo_!"

"_Apollo_-ka dots? Like, the dotty motif?"

"_Polka _dots!"

"I thought polka is your home, Santa. You know, like, the North _Polka_."

"North _Pole_! Besides, I don't really live in North Pole. Do I look like I live there?" Santa showed his outfit to Junpei, which is too thin for someone who lives in North Pole.

"Maybe it's not convincing but," Junpei commented about Santa's outfit. "The most important, it's comfy and easy to wear."

"What if…" Santa said. "We go back to our first topic? You know, the chopper."

"Oh yeah, the chopper. The 4-leaf _chopper_, symbol of good luck."

"Hey!" Clover responded Junpei, pissed off.

"Oh, sorry Clover," Junpei said to her. "It's alright. I'm pretty sure that you always get the 1st rank in the class, because you're so _clover_!"

"Maybe you mean _clever_, Junpei," Clover verified. "But I'd rather be called smart than clever."

"Why?" Snake asked. "What's the difference between smart and clever?"

"'What's the difference between smart and clever'? I'm pretty sure it's all letters except letter R!" Junpei answered confidently. "Also the amount of the letters and the syllables! 'Clever' has 1 both letter and syllable compared to 'smart'. Clover preferred to be called smart than clever because it's more comfy and easy to say!"

* * *

><p>"Lol," Santa replied shortly. "As if."<p>

Everyone else was same. None of them actually thought that Junpei's joke was funny.

However, Akane was different. She was actually bursting out of laughter. "Hahahahahaha… Jumpy, you're hilarious! Hahahahaha…"

Everyone simply stared at her, dumbfounded.

"See? Someone actually has a sense of humor here!" Junpei ensured the others while pointing at Akane.

"Yeah. A _**lame**_ sense of humor, just like yours," Santa sarcastically responded. "Plus do you really have to point at her like that?!"

"Of course I do," Junpei answered. "It's to make my _point_."

"No seriously, I think both of you have a problem," Seven added.

"Maybe she's just a really, really nice person," Clover said. "She's laughing only because she doesn't want to make Junpei feel bad."

"Or she loves Junpei sooo much that every joke he says is always funny to her," Lotus added.

"Or it's just her humor sense is lame," Santa said, as if to object Lotus. "Just like Junpei's."

"I guess I'm gonna go with Lotus's opinion!" Junpei exclaimed happily.

"Well, I suppose I will support my sister's opinion," Snake talked.

"I'll go with Santa," Seven said shortly.

"How about you, Ace?" Santa asked him. "Your vote is the tiebreaker here."

"I think I agree with Snake and Clover," Ace answered.

"Then I win! Yay!" Clover cheered.

"Why is everyone talking about me like I'm not around here?" Akane asked confusedly.

"We're just discussing about why you're laughing at Junpei's horrible jokes," Lotus answered her honestly.

"What?" Akane didn't believe what Lotus said. "Jumpy's jokes aren't horrible! It's so funny, at least to me. Why doesn't everyone else understand about it?"

"See? I was right!" Santa exclaimed confidently.

"But that doesn't deny Lotus just yet!" Junpei objected him.

"What?" Akane was still surprised.

"Lotus says you love me so much that every joke I say is always funny to you," Junpei said. "Say, do you love me, Kan?"

"Wha—?"

"Just answer me, Kanny! Do you love me?"

"Uh… yeah, I—"

"See? It's Lotus's opinion that's right!"

"Never mind, it's not like I give a damn about it," Santa dismissed.

"*sigh* am I the only normal person here?" Snake asked to himself. "No wait, Ace is probably quite normal too."

"Anyway, can you two continue the _manzai_ already?" Clover requested Junpei and Santa.

"Okay, okay, we get it!" Santa replied.

"Okay!" Junpei also okay-ed her.

"So what if we talk about Funyarinpa?" Santa asked Junpei

"Funyarinpa? Of course!" Junpei replied passionately. "Funyarinpa is so _fun_ at the party, _ya_?"

"Yeah, I guess so," Santa agreed.

"Funyarinpa is also as cute as cat. Fun-_nyaaa_-rinpa."

"Well, yeah."

"Call me The Great Pun King Junpei. I'm bearing the power of The Great _Pun_-nyarinpa!"

"What are you, a cult leader?"

"No, not really. I'm not in-_cult_-ed in any cults."

"Don't you mean _included_?"

"Included in _inclu_-nerator to get burned?"

"That's _incinerator_!"

"Yeah, I know what an incinerator is! The movie of robots! Like, _Incinerator Salvation_!"

"It's _Terminator Salvation_, you moron! It's not even relevant!"

"Moron? The full _moron_ is on the sky tonight?"

"Full _moon_!"

"_Moon_ is a cow's sound!"

"That's _moo_!"

"Like, _moo_-bile apps?

"_Mobile_ apps!"

"_Apps_-arently you have to pay the monthly _mobiles_."

"Bills?"

"Bills! The power of _bills_!"

"Will!"

"Like, a deep _will_ where ghosts live?"

"Uh, _well_?"

"The cow has a _well_ hanging on its neck!"

"Cow bell, Junpei. Cow bell."

"Cow bell? You mean Simon _Cow bell_, one of the judges in X-Factor?"

"Simon _Cowell_!"

"I thought _cowell_ is to wrap our body after we took shower."

"_Towel_!"

"Towel? I know! Eiffel _Towel_, isn't it?"

"Eiffel _Tower_! Or should I say _Tour d'Eiffel_."

"Tour? You mean Eiffel can do a city tour by herself?"

"Hey hey, I'm not intending any puns here, Junpei! It's actually _Tour d'Eiffel_ in French."

"Okay, okay, Santa. I get it."

"Say, Junpei. Speaking about Eiffel Tower, I heard it's a very romantic place."

"Where did you get it from? Bing?"

"So what if I did?"

"Then I can laugh at you like crazy! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Santa simply frowned. "No, you shouldn't."

"Nah, never mind."

"So, Junpei. Do you know about anything else in Paris?"

"Paris?"

"You know. The city of love, the city of light, anything people call it. It's actually the Capital of France. What I'm asking here is, is there anything else interesting in Paris, beside Eiffel Tower?"

"Maybe it's the well-cooked chicken, the strong-tasted stock that uses yoghurt instead of coconut milk, the smell of the spices—"

"Hoi hoi, what are you talking about?!"

"Paris, right? The chicken _paris_?"

"That's chicken _curry_, you idiot! That's an Indian food, not French! Besides, the pronunciation is too far! How the hell's that supposed to be relevant?!"

"Indian? I know an Indian song!"

"Yup, there he goes."

"_One, little two, little three, little Indians… four, little five, little six, little Indians… seven, little eight, little nine, little Indians… ten little Indian boys ~"_

"And… what's your point?"

"What's my point? Hmmm… hey, there's Seven in the song!"

"Me?" Seven responded confusedly.

"Yeah!" Junpei replied him. "'_Seven, little eight, little nine, little Indians_', that's kinda blasphemous."

"What? Seven doesn't know what a Funyarinpa is?" Santa asked sarcastically.

"No, I'm not talking about that!" Junpei denied.

"So what?" Santa replied.

"How's Seven supposed to be a little Indian? He's as big as a gorilla. Bigger, even!"

"Just because of that?!"

"Come on, Santa. Don't you realize how big this fella is?"

"Don't you realize how much I don't care about it, Junpei? I was actually talking about the different Indian."

"You mean Clover is a little Indian for real? She's _little_, after all."

"Hey! What's my fault?!" Clover protested.

"Forgive him, Clover," Snake said to her. "I am quite sure that he probably did not mean what he just said about you."

"Well, I know it's just a joke, Snake," Clover replied. "It's just he said that I'm little! I'm offended about it."

"Okay, okay. I got it, Clover," Junpei justified.

"Seriously, Junpei. Despite of my posture, I'm actually 19," Clover said again. "I'm old enough for almost anything. Driving, college, even some illegal stuff… hey, it's not like I'm gonna do it for real. But, the point is, stop treating me like the digital root of my age. This is to everyone, not just Junpei and Snake."

"Okay, Clover," Akane accepted. "I'll treat you like a 19-year-old from now on."

"Whoa, you're actually ranting about it," Lotus commented.

"The problem is, I can't help but seeing you as a middle-schooler," Seven objected. "Maybe it's just your overload cuteness."

"Seven, even if you're actually trying to compliment me," Clover replied him. "I don't really take it that way. Sorry."

"Did you say 7-Eleven?" Junpei suddenly asked.

"Eh?" Clover was confused.

"You said it, right? 'Seven, _eleven_ if you're actually trying to compliment me—'"

"That's _even_!" Santa corrected him.

* * *

><p>"Okay, okay. I guess our performance is done by now," Junpei dismissed. Then, he asked Akane, "So what do you think about our performance, birthday princess?"<p>

"I literally couldn't stop laughing at your jokes!" Akane answered happily. "Thanks, Jumpy, Santa."

"Well, you're welcome," said Junpei.

…

"Wait, so that's it?" Santa in the other hand didn't seem satisfied.

"I personally think so," Junpei answered. "But it's up to Akane to continue or not."

"Well, the others had gone for lunch, so," Akane said. "It's just me now."

"So what do you say, Akane?" Santa asked her.

"I'll say… I want once more _manzai_ performance from both of you. I really love it. I love all Jumpy's jokes and also how Santa corrects him, without violence of course. You two are hilarious. So…"

"Let's do one more performance, shall we?" Santa asked to Junpei.

"After you," Junpei replied. ""I thought it's _**your**_ part to bring up a topic. Then I'm gonna make a crappy pun about it, and you'll—"

"Nah, I'm not gonna kick your ass, don't worry. I'm just gonna get those puns straight."

"Uh, haven't you said it already? Oh wait, I think it's a déjà vu. Yeah, I know it! Maybe it's an effect of morphogenic field."

"…Wut?"

"Nah, never mind."

"Is this the _manzai_ or what?" Akane asked them.

"What are you, Clover?!" Santa scolded her.

"*sigh* okay…"

"Anyway, let's just start!" Junpei tried to dismiss them.

* * *

><p><strong>Sorry if the ending didn't satisfy you enough. It's just a bunch of random jokes, after all. <strong>**Sorry if I didn't actually manage to give more portions to the others. Well, kinda, but… sorry if that still doesn't fit you. ****Sorry if any characters here still feel like OOC to you, I guess I'm not really that good at portraying their personalities. ****Also sorry for many more mistakes I made, either I realize it or not, because in the end I'm just a regular human being that isn't perfect.**

**About Idaho, the first time I think about it was when I saw a Youtube video that said 'Idaho isn't a real place'. So I kinda search it on Google. I wasn't serious about Bing, alright.**

**Yup, I guess I'm done here.**

**Next, I'm gonna make a 999 x Fire Emblem crossover. Man, that's quite daring of me. Since there isn't any 999 crossover with FE, according to my search. Also I guess I'm the first one to make a 999 fanfic that said about Funyarinpa, but… maybe I'm just naïve. Never mind.**

**P.S. feel free to review!**


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